la petite mort

la petite mort 2022-2025

In the spring of 2022, I confronted death for the first time at a funeral in my hometown, following ancient customs. The ceremony was both noisy and solemn, filled with the sounds of gongs and drums, chants, the wailing of livestock, and the intermittent cries of mourners. The faint light reflecting off the golden coffin enhanced the atmosphere. Standing at the front of the funeral procession, holding my grandmother's portrait, I felt the fine snow fall silently around me. For the first time, tears streamed down my face in response to loss. From that moment on, through the camera’s viewfinder, each click of the shutter felt like a tiny exchange of souls.

The term "la petite mort," which translates to "small death" in French, refers to a brief loss or weakening of consciousness. In modern usage, it describes the post-orgasm sensation likened to death. Georges Bataille interprets it as a "violent breakthrough" into the finiteness of life, representing a microscopic rehearsal of disintegration and rebirth of consciousness. Death and desire, much like life and death, are frequently intertwined in scholarly writings. The passing of my grandmother heightened my awareness of mortality and inevitably led me to explore the passions of life, along with the obsessions surrounding love and desire.

“la petite mort" is my visual journey of inquiry. It captures the solemnity and absurdity of the funeral scene, the prayers offered amid the incense in the temple, the youthful bodies entwined in passion at an underground club, and even a dried fish carcass on the riverbank. I chose to work with 35mm black-and-white film, a medium that provides materiality and a sense of time, as I attempted to document those moments that linger on the edge of life—those "small deaths" of collapse, ecstasy, disappearance, and rebirth.

Days of Judgement

Day of Judgement 2022

“Days of Judgement" is a continuation of my previous work, “The Nocturnal," which explores my mysterious experiences transitioning between underground clubs and ballroom scenes in places like Beijing, Changsha, and Aranya. I often envision the DJ at the music console as a priest or shaman, stirring up the atmosphere of the entire party by skillfully manipulating complex controls. The crowd revels in the festivities, exuding a dangerous yet alluring energy.

At these dimly lit basement parties, a ritual unfolds: the dancers on the floor transform into angels and demons, caught in a trance-like state, awaiting judgment in a heightened, almost divine condition. Music becomes a potent force, capable of possessing the body. It flows from the past and the future, moving through the crowd and nourishing my spirit.

The Nocturnal

The Nocturnal 2020-2021

The shooting of these photos began in Berlin in March 2020, just as COVID-19 started to spread in the city. I began taking pictures at night out of necessity, as I, an Asian woman, felt hesitant to point my camera at anyone during the day. After fourteen days of what felt like 'medical observation,' I finally returned to my 'normal' life.

Once I stepped back into the outside world, I found a sense of refreshment in everything around me; the intense sun during those days even made me feel slightly dizzy. When I returned to my hometown in Hunan, it seemed as though the epidemic was far removed from the lives of the people there. Observing them live freely and what appeared to be a 'normal' life left me momentarily in disbelief.

At first, I enjoyed walking alone and taking photos around my home after dark. Eventually, I stumbled into a world of 'alcoholic humans' and met other 'nocturnal animals.' These photos serve as a diary of my nighttime life after the epidemic, reflecting my observations and thoughts as a "nocturnal animal" searching for connection. The darkness of the night provided me with a sense of safety, while my camera allowed me to capture the distorted illusions that floated through my mind when the flash illuminated the scene.

Untitled Movies

Untitled Movies 2019

"Untitled Movie Stills" is not only a tribute to Cindy Sherman's renowned "Untitled Film Stills," but also an exploration of the possibilities of time and space in large-format film photography, posing, and still images. This collection of photographs was taken in the first half of 2019 using a 4x5 large-format film camera in Annandale, New York, and San Francisco. During this period, the author was influenced by the long shots found in art films and developed the concept of capturing images with a "cinematic temperament." The author vaguely conceived a story centered around themes of tracking and searching, likely inspired by David Lynch's "Mulholland Drive."

However, the author believes that the narrative potential of photographs pales in comparison to that of movies. Even though the final images are visually connected, they do not form a linear narrative. In nighttime scenes, the exposure time often ranges from 2 to 5 minutes, requiring the model to maintain a still posture throughout the long exposure. Meanwhile, the photographer must simultaneously hold a timer in one hand to count down and manually operate the shutter with the other hand. When the photographer calls out, "3, 2, 1, Action!" time and space become flattened into these negatives, resulting in static images.

The characters in the photographs are positioned within the scenery, either gazing into the distance or looking around, leaving the stories that precede and follow these images completely to the audience's imagination.

In the Mood for Love

In the Mood for Love 2018

This was Vera’s first color photo project. It was made during her second year at Bard College, when she gave up the Mamiya medium format film camera she was given, and picked up a 35mm point and shoot. The casualness of the point and shoot gave Vera the freedom to take photos both aggressively and impulsively, which resulted this vibrant and reckless group of pictures, just like being young and being in love.

One of the pictures was taken in one of cinema on campus screened the Wong Kar Wai film “In the Mood for Love” (2000) , which gave this project’sname.

Vera Xia 夏靖宜

Photography

la petite mort (2022-2025)

Days of Judgement (2022)

The Nocturnal (2020-2021)

Untitled Movies (2019)

In the Mood for Love (2018）

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Vera Xia 夏靖宜

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©2025 Vera Xia