la petite mort

la petite mort 2022-2025

In the early spring of 2022, I went back to the village my father grew up in to attend my grandmother’s funeral. I hid behind my camera’s viewfinder to avoid getting too emotional over someone, as closely related to me as my father’s mother, whom I hardly knew. Still, I cried twice. The first time was when I looked into the eye of a cow which was about to be killed as part of the funeral’s sacrifice; the second time was when I led the funeral procession, holding my grandmother's portrait, and I felt the fine snow fall silently on the ricefields around me.

The term "la petite mort," which translates to "small death" in French, refers to a brief loss or weakening of consciousness. In modern usage, it describes the post-orgasm sensation likened to death. Georges Bataille interprets it as a "violent breakthrough" into the finiteness of life, representing a microscopic rehearsal of the disintegration and rebirth of consciousness.

“la petite mort" is my visual journey of inquiry. It captures the solemnity and absurdity of the funeral scene, the prayers amid the incense in the temples, the youthful bodies entwined in passion at underground clubs, and dead fish on the riverbank. I chose to work with 35mm black-and-white film with a point-and-shoot camera, as I document moments that linger on the edge of life --- those "small deaths" of collapse, ecstasy, disappearance, and rebirth.

Days of Judgement

Day of Judgement 2022

“Days of Judgement" is a side project from “The Nocturnal", which explores my experiences transitioning between underground clubs and ballroom scenes in China. I often envision the DJ as a priest or shaman. At these dimly lit basement parties, a ritual unfolds: the dancers on the floor transform into angels and demons, in trance.

The Nocturnal

The Nocturnal 2020-2021

The shooting of these photos began in Berlin in March 2020, just as COVID-19 started to spread in the city. I began taking pictures at night out of necessity, as I, an Asian woman, felt hesitant to point my camera at anyone during the day. After fourteen days of what felt like 'medical observation,' I finally returned to my 'normal' life.

Once I stepped back into the outside world, I found a sense of refreshment in everything around me; the intense sun during those days even made me feel slightly dizzy. When I returned to my hometown in Hunan, it seemed as though the epidemic was far removed from the lives of the people there. Observing them live freely and what appeared to be a 'normal' life left me momentarily in disbelief.

At first, I enjoyed walking alone and taking photos around my home after dark. Eventually, I stumbled into a world of 'alcoholic humans' and met other 'nocturnal animals.' These photos serve as a diary of my nighttime life after the epidemic, reflecting my observations and thoughts as a "nocturnal animal" searching for connection. The darkness of the night provided me with a sense of safety, while my camera allowed me to capture the distorted illusions that floated through my mind when the flash illuminated the scene.

Untitled Movies

Untitled Movies 2019

"Untitled Movie Stills" is not only a tribute to Cindy Sherman's renowned "Untitled Film Stills," but also an exploration of the possibilities of time and space in large-format film photography, posing, and still images. This collection of photographs was taken in the first half of 2019 using a 4x5 large-format film camera in Annandale, New York, and San Francisco. During this period, the author was influenced by the long shots found in art films and developed the concept of capturing images with a "cinematic temperament." The author vaguely conceived a story centered around themes of tracking and searching, likely inspired by David Lynch's "Mulholland Drive."

However, the author believes that the narrative potential of photographs pales in comparison to that of movies. Even though the final images are visually connected, they do not form a linear narrative. In nighttime scenes, the exposure time often ranges from 2 to 5 minutes, requiring the model to maintain a still posture throughout the long exposure. Meanwhile, the photographer must simultaneously hold a timer in one hand to count down and manually operate the shutter with the other hand. When the photographer calls out, "3, 2, 1, Action!" time and space become flattened into these negatives, resulting in static images.

The characters in the photographs are positioned within the scenery, either gazing into the distance or looking around, leaving the stories that precede and follow these images completely to the audience's imagination.

In the Mood for Love

In the Mood for Love 2018

This was Vera’s first color photo project. It was made during her second year at Bard College, when she gave up the Mamiya medium format film camera she was given, and picked up a 35mm point and shoot. The casualness of the point and shoot gave Vera the freedom to take photos both aggressively and impulsively, which resulted this vibrant and reckless group of pictures, just like being young and being in love.

One of the pictures was taken in one of cinema on campus screened the Wong Kar Wai film “In the Mood for Love” (2000) , which gave this project’sname.

Vera Xia 夏靖宜

Photography

la petite mort --- 《小小的死亡》

Days of Judgement --- 《审判日》

The Nocturnal --- 《夜行动物》

Untitled Movies --- 《无题电影》

In the Mood for Love --- 《花样年华》

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Vera Xia 夏靖宜

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©2025 Vera Xia